How to know if he or she is the right one for me

Ask people who have seemingly found their Mr or Mrs Right, how you too will know when you have met ‘the one’ and most people will tell you that “you just know”.  But what a frustrating answer because instantly your mind wants to know more, “How, how will I know?” and again they repeat “you just will”.

We tend to ask other people for the answers when really it’s inside of us all but we just don’t see it as clearly.

Have you ever tried to ask yourself the question but the other way round? So instead of asking “is this person is the one for me?” how about saying “how do I know that this person is not the one for me”?

Sometimes it’s easier to spot why you wouldn’t want to be with someone forever than it is to see why you would. If you come up with an enormous list of reason why you wouldn’t want to be with someone and the list is things that you don’t think could ever be resolved then it’s probably a sure sign that they might not be so Mr/ Mrs Right after all.

Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with them? Can you imagine spending the rest of your life without them?

If you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone then there are undoubtedly some serious questions that you should take into consideration.

If this person is ‘the one’, they should be like your best friend; after all you are going to spend the rest of your days with them, and in fact, you will probably spend more time with them than you ever would with your best friend. 

You should be able to talk to them about anything; the day out you had with friends, the pair of really nice jeans you saw, the awful day you had at the office and even the in-growing toe nails!  You should be able to say it all without feeling judged, embarrassed or uncomfortable. 

When they listen to you, do they listen with a genuine interest or do they look at you like they are listening just because they feel they have to?

It works both ways. If you are sat at the office party thinking ‘oh my gosh, they are making selves look life a complete idiot and embarrassing me to hell’, then you are judging them.

If you really love this person, then you should be thinking ‘wow, they have had a lot to drink but they are enjoying themselves and it’s good to see them happy’. If you truly love your partner then you would ideally accept them just the way they are and lean more towards thinking that you are happy to see your partner is happy. You would want to feel un-judged and they would to. This is where unconditional love comes into it. If you both have unconditional love, then you have real love.

That’s not to say that you won’t sometimes disapprove of something they have done, but what’s important is that you are able to communicate, compromise and work things out.

Can you connect with each others feelings and respect them?  Does your partner know what to do when you are feeling down? Do they know to leave you alone for a bit if that’s what you need, can they tell when you just need a hug or do they come across insensitive and put you down even more for being miserable? 

If someone loves you, then they would always want to see you happy, they would want to know if they can help to make things better.  No good would ever come from someone who makes you feel worse.  Again that works for the both of you, do you know what to do when their upset? Are you both able to freely give each other a bit of space when you think one another needs it?

Can you imagine the both of you growing old together?  Are you imagining that you will both still be happy or does it all look a bit gloomy?  Would you still want to be treated the same way you are being treated by them now in 20, 30 or 40 years from now?  Do you wonder if you can change them or if they can change them selves?  As much as you may desperately want to change someone, you can’t, they have to do it for themselves.  So then you need to put your questions to the test, do you believe in them enough to believe they will change in their own time and for the better?  Are you able to put your differences aside?

I think it’s quite safe to say that marriage is naturally quite scary so it’s ok to feel nervous, but what are you most nervous about?  Can you see it bringing you both closer or are you more worried about how much the divorce will cost? Or that it will just give them more authority over you and that you won’t be able to cut the strings so easily? 

Of course, it’s all quite concerning but if you are considering marrying someone then you should feel comfortable knowing that the person would not be likely to ever hold such powers over you and that you are staying in the relationship because you want to.

• To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world - Brandi Snyder

• Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry - Tom Mullen

• The first duty of love is to listen - Paul Tillich

• Love is not blind – it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less - Rabbi J. Gordon